Most men believe they’re quite good in bed. However, few are truly exceptional lovers. Realizing that you have room for improvement might be humbling, but it’s an important step toward becoming better. If you’re here reading this, you care about giving your partner an unforgettable experience—and that already sets you apart. Let’s explore how to identify if you’re not meeting your partner’s needs fully, and learn how to elevate your skills in the bedroom.

She Rarely Initiates Sex

There’s a common belief that women are less sexual or shy about initiating intimacy, but this simply isn’t true. If your partner isn’t initiating, it may be because she isn’t as excited about the experience as she could be. Women’s standards for sex can be high, and if your performance is just “okay,” she’s less likely to seek it out. A partner who’s deeply satisfied will be unashamed to ask for more.

Solution: Try shaking up your routine. Ask her what she likes, experiment with new things, and stay tuned into her responses to increase her enthusiasm for intimacy.

She Rushes You or Pushes You to Finish

Phrases like, “Just stick it in,” or, “Come on, finish up,” are red flags. Sometimes women do say this because they’re fully satisfied and can’t handle more, but more often, it means they’re just not that into it. If she’s saying these things, she may be trying to get through the experience rather than enjoying it.

Solution: Slow down, prioritize foreplay, and pay attention to what makes her feel genuinely good. Great sex isn’t just about penetration but about tuning into her experience.

You Act Like a Porn Star

If you’ve picked up your moves from watching porn, it’s likely showing, and your partner can probably tell. Porn doesn’t teach realistic or satisfying sexual techniques for most women. The high-energy, acrobatic style often seen on screen isn’t designed with female pleasure in mind.

Solution: Focus on the person in front of you rather than trying to imitate what you’ve seen. Go slow, ask what she likes, and let her responses guide you rather than any preconceived ideas.

Your Moves Are Predictable

Repetitive routines can make the experience feel stale. Great sex should be dynamic, evolving with each encounter, rather than feeling like a script. If you’re doing the same thing every time, you’re likely not being fully present with her needs in the moment.

Solution: Spice things up by exploring new fantasies, introducing toys, or changing settings. Experimentation and variety will keep things fresh and keep you both engaged.

You Don’t Communicate

Good lovers communicate openly with their partners about preferences and desires. This includes seeking feedback on how you’re doing. Even if you’ve been with your partner for a while, don’t assume you know everything. People’s preferences can change over time, and tuning into that is essential for keeping intimacy alive.

Solution: Start a dialogue about what you both enjoy and areas that could be improved. Listen carefully and ask questions to encourage openness, as she may have reservations about sharing her true feelings at first.

She Doesn’t Orgasm Regularly

If she isn’t reaching climax consistently, it might mean her needs aren’t being met. While it’s natural for people of all genders to occasionally have difficulty climaxing, if she’s only finishing during solo sessions, there may be room for improvement on your end.

Solution: Work on being patient and attentive, and focus on what she needs to climax. Take time to explore her body, ask what feels best, and consider taking a step back to build up her arousal gradually.

There’s No Emotion in Your Intimacy

Sex can be an emotional act, involving laughter, connection, and even tears. If you aren’t experiencing a range of emotions, your connection with your partner might be limited. Intimacy should allow both of you to express your vulnerability and enjoy each other fully.

Solution: Loosen up, embrace your natural emotions, and don’t be afraid to be yourself. Laugh together, share moments of tenderness, and show her that intimacy with you is about more than just physical pleasure.

You Rush to Finish

If you finish too quickly, your partner may be left unsatisfied. While it’s natural to have moments of high excitement, try to make the experience last longer so she can fully enjoy it.

Solution: Work on building your endurance if needed. Take breaks, shift focus, and, if necessary, consider resources or courses that can help you develop more control.

You Ignore Her Cues

If you’re more focused on your own pleasure than on her reactions, it’s easy to miss important signals. Listening to her cues is essential for making her feel valued and truly satisfied. Ignoring subtle (or even direct) cues can make her feel disconnected from the experience.

Solution: Actively tune into her body language, sounds, and any verbal feedback. This will help you respond to her needs and make the experience more enjoyable for both of you.

You Don’t Follow Up

After intimate moments, check in with her. A quick follow-up shows you care about her experience, not just yours. If she seems reluctant to share, that could be a sign that there’s something she isn’t satisfied with.

Solution: Encourage her to be open with you about how she feels. Following up shows that you value her enjoyment and that you’re committed to being the best partner you can be.

Becoming a Better Lover Is a Journey

Improving your intimacy skills is a lifelong journey. Whether you relate to some or many of these signs, the key is to approach it all with an open mind and a willingness to grow. Confidence comes from embracing your role as a learner. By putting in the effort to understand your partner’s desires and needs, you’re already on your way to becoming a great lover.